This is a story about two cows that lived in a nice green field. They loved the field so much. It was theirs and no-one else intruded upon their territory. The pastures were luscious and green and they used to munch on the grass very often, as well as the pastures.

Unfortunately these were dangerous times. Revolutionaries were afoot. A platoon of aubergines were camped outside the field. They were disgusted that their brethren grass blades were being enslaved and mercilessy butchered by the cows.

With air support from the pomegranites they attacked the cow camp. They killed one of the cows but the other cow managed to leg it. It was scarred though from the destruction it had seen and the murder of its lesbian lover.

It went mad with grief but knew it couldn't kill the veg army, which was way too strong. So it took out its anger on the nearest thing, which happened to be a group of traveling pikeys. Some of the pikeys escaped but many were slaughtered by cow rage, before the cow was finally impaled on a crusty lavender bouquet.

The pikeys were mad themselves but had already killed the cow. However, they knew the reason why the cow had attacked and so they too took revenge and attacked any veg they could find. But they were difficult to kill and so they had to boil them alive and then eat them to stop them coming back. To stop the wholesale slaughter of pikeys in the future, they decided to forever kill and eat all vegetables. However the non-pikeys that had witnessed the events knew that it was the cows that were the real perpetrators and realised that killing the cows and eating them instead would save them.

And so these days any descendents of pikeys are vegetarians while the rest of us aren't just so that we can survive being killed by rampaging grieving lesbian cows.

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