‘Good evening Mister Prime Minister, had a nice day at the office’ Doris the ghost maid said upon opening the door to Prime Minister Schaferlord of Lovely, her voice was cheerier than expected considering the manner of her death at the ever devouring maws of flesh eating beetles but she had a good job and a haunted roof over her head and wasn’t one to complain.

‘That thrice accursed citizenry keep doing and saying stuff which is annoying, sometimes I wonder why I can’t just have them all killed and be done with it you know Doris.’ Schaferlord said as he hung his coat up on the possessed coat stand which proceeded to run out of the hallway giggling like a little girl. ‘How long do you suppose it’ll be before I find that coat Doris?’

‘Not long, it’s taken to burying coats in the allotment recently until it gets bored of that we’ll find them easily’ Doris said leading the Prime Minister onwards towards the kitchen. ‘I’ve made your favourite sir,’ she beamed proudly ‘a full fridge so you can make yourself something’

‘Good good, and if it’s not too much trouble can you get some of the gnomes to get my coat from wherever the coat stand has hidden it, I left some papers in the pocket I should really look at tonight’ replied Schaferlord as he walked up to the massive bronze fridge. As his hand approached the handle a sudden chill descended his spine, he turned expecting to see Doris or one of the other ghostly staff but instead there was merely the shadowy silhouette of a man in a hat, obscured in a shadowy corner which was quite a feat as he stood next to the window and sunlight was pouring into the kitchen giving it a warmer ambiance despite the bloodstains and claw marks.

‘Hello Mister Prime Minister’ the figure said, ‘you don’t know me, but I work for the shadowy organisation that secretly controls the world’ it continued in a shadowy Scouse accent.

‘How can it be a secret if you just told me?’ Schaferlord responded confused as to the nature of the visit.

‘We have ways of keeping it a secret mister Prime Minister, trust me on that’

‘Trust someone with the bad manners to wear a hat indoors? Never, even if what I was trusting them to do wasn’t impossible’ came the indignant response from the Prime Minister.

‘Very well now you die’ with one swift flowing motion the shadowy figure flowed from his shadowy corner past the knife box where he grabbed a knife and flew at the Prime Minister.

Christopher the Chandelier wasn’t having any murder happening under his finely crafted gold furnishing which he took to be roughly analogous to a nose and sprang into action. Diving at the shadowy figure he contorted into a claw and proceeded to pin the would be assailant into the floor.

‘Good Work Christopher’ a relieved Schaferlord said as he gently stroked one of Christopher’s candles causing a purr to emerge from the chandelier; of all the Prime Ministers of Lovely, Schaferlord was the best at chandelier pleasuring, thought Christopher as the shadowy figure squirmed underneath him.

‘This isn’t good’ the shadowy figure mused as he struggled to get comfortable, the weighty chandelier pinning him down was uncomfortable but this discomfort was somewhat exacerbated by the knife that lay underneath him and was somewhat unhelpfully piercing his body and mingling with his intestines. Blood was starting to seep from the wound creating a shadowy bloody pool underneath his shadowy figure. What with discretion being the better part of valour it seemed wise to his discomforted mind that a swift exit was called for, thus reaching to his utility belt which had been so far unnoticed due to his shadowy nature he grabbed a smoke bomb and ignited it filling the kitchen with smoke.

‘Bleh, what’s with the smoke?’ hiccoughed Schaferlord as he staggered back to rest against the fridge it’s cool door causing his shirt to cling to it. Upon the smoke clearing the shadowy figure was gone; all that remained was a small puddle of blood. ‘Curses’ cursed the Prime Minister a rancorous rage befalling him, ‘Doris, Doris, assemble the security team at once, something urgent has come up’ his yell filled the mansion assuring that the kindly ghost maid would hear and act upon his wishes…