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He has always been and will always be until his retreat from power the successor to king Rasputin I.
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Author Topic: 101 Things Rasputin Wallace Can Do With His Chopsticks  (Read 592 times)
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Aware Of Vacuity
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« on: March 10, 2010, 02:02:08 »

1. Use it to point at negative people
2. Parade the decapitated head of his enemy on... muhahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!
3. Violate Blunketts cat
4. To press the big red button that destroyed the Leafstorm message boards
5. Advertise cars with it
6. Sharpen them into pencils for his school
7. Shove it up a hamsters arse to make some kind of cleaning instrument
8. Eat some noodles...... Then fuck off and die!!!
9. As a moustache as he's not man enough to grow a real one
10. Paint it black and use it as a third eyebrow
11. Play the drums
12. Make some new frames for his specs
13. Say "Yes" to Chinese Takeaways
14. Start his own country on a chopstick, then get bored and fuck it off
15. RAOKs by poking Joinees in the eye
16. Stab it through his own heart to see if he's a vampire or not
17. Choke on them
18. Do a joke about a piano with them
19. Do the Blackadder pencil trick with them and the underpants
20. Enter the circus as a stilt walker
21. Stick them up his nose and headbutt a tabletop
22. Use them as tweezers to extract some sense of humour out of himself
23. Fight ancient chinese sword wielding warriors with them
24. Build some stickmen to worship him
25. Use them as finger splints after he breaks his finger
26. Stick them down his pants to make him look bigger
27. Pick stuff up from behind the radiator that he can't reach with his stumpy fingers
28. To see if he can get the chopstick to go in one ear and out the other
29. To play chopsticks on the piano
30. Smoke them
31. To pick his nose with
32. Pick his arse with
33. To get that belly button fluff out thats right at the bottom thats difficult to pick out with your fingers unless you have fairly long finger nails
34. Pick bo a career
35. Pick bo a car rear. Probably a Fiat.
36. Stab bus drivers
37. Hold up a bank
38. Snap and use for a tiny fire
39. Pretend they are an army of stick insects that worship him
40. Start a band
41. Use it as a banning stick and ban everyone in lovely
42. Slowly drip water on them untill they rot away
43. A javelin for any midgets he knows
44. Stick them up his japseye for comedic purposes
45. To prop his eyes open with to read this boring forum
46. Attach string to the end and sit at the edge of a pond pretending to be a gnome
47. To remove belly button fluff
48. Help prepare to mummify someone by pulling their brains through their nose
49. Stabbing Lars in the throat to cure his coughing
50. Hold Lars' tongue down to check his tonsils (or whatever doctors do)
97. Use them to count
52. Stir his coffee with when there are no clean teaspoons left
53. Get some midgets to have a sword fight
54. Go whale hunting with Captain Ahab
55. Challenge Andy Fordham to a game of darts
56. Snap them in half when he's angry to emphasise his anger
57. Make a list of 101 things he can use them for
58. Pretend to be a conductor while listening to some Bach or Beethoven
59. Make matchsticks feel very inadequate
60. Put them in his hair, guiesha stylee
61. Use them to make fire in a Ray Mears kind of way
62. Eat sushi
63. Dissect a frog
64. To work out his constipation
65. The final part of a doomsday device
66. Go fishing in a goldfish bowl
67. Pierce his nipples with them (if they're Japanese chopsticks)
68. Stab Newcastle fans in the face for their stupid rumors
69. Bung them in an envelope for Harry
70. Carve them into miniature wands for Small Harry Potter fans
71. Use them as tweezers to pluck his eyebrows
72. Hollow them and use them as straws
73. Make a new series on how to use chopsticks to piss everyone off
74. Use them to point at places on a map whilst giving instructions to the RAF on where to drop bombs
75. Ram them up his arse
76. Do the hand on table stabby knife trick from Aliens but with a chopstick
77. Mildly irritate polar bears by poking them in the eye with the chopsticks
78. Sharpen them and use them to chop sticks
79. Knit
80. Make some stick insect porn
81. Squeeze his spots with them
82. Enter the Junior World Snooker Championships
83. Pretend he's Shinobi and use them as throwing knives
84. Spin crisps on them and hire his act out to kids parties
85. Build a Lego town and use them as a police barricade at a crime scene
86. Play Kerplunk
87. Play Jenga
88. Shave them into thinner chop sticks
89. Make a set of mouse stilts...
90. Use them to chat up birds
91. Catch flies - Karate Kid stylee..
92. Pole vault over a very small ditch
93. Use them as a pretend moustache
94. Use them to replace his eyebrows
95. Attach them to the back of your Subbuteo goalies for a more erganomical Subbuteo style
96. Poke them in an electric socket to see what happens
97. Use them to de-rail Scalextric cars
98. Use them as a pointy thing to point at this forum as he reads it back
99. Stick them to the top of his hat in a propeller fashion and try and take off / Use them to poke Loves face
100. To reinforce his mittens / Carve little holes in it and learn to play the recorder
101. Signify the end of this game with them er somehow / Finish the game, again / Using the chopstick to disqualify Love


I have a dream! And so could you. Just eat loads of cheese before you go to bed. It's easy.
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